I was out for a walk yesterday and I had the clearest statement in my head about why the blind date/online date meetup/meeting a stranger thing doesn't work for me.
But, of course, now that I'm sitting down to try to write it out, I can't remember what I had to say.
Because I know I've said before how it's not my thing and how it doesn't work with my personality, but yesterday I figured out how to put it so it made sense.
It was something along the lines of how a blind date/meeting type situation takes me out of my comfort zone/element and how therefore I won't be myself.
I was thinking, in part of my brilliant thought, that if I could just tell these guys to come meet me at my work, things might be different.
Except, of course, you can't invite people to come meet you when you're a spy. I mean, then they'd be a witness to you stealing the Hope Diamond and then you'd have to wipe their memory or send them to the witness protection program and these things aren't conducive to a second date.
I was lucky with Chad because even though it was a raw meeting, a blind meetup for sure, I was already out doing my thing and it just so happened we met up and I didn't have time to think about it.
My previous relationships have all started with me in a social situation and the guy being there and us hitting it off and deciding we wanted to see each other again.
Somehow, this doesn't happen for me in this online meeting situation.
Maybe it's because it's just the two of us and so there's too much focus. Maybe it's because we don't have that other "thing", the social gathering to talk about. Maybe it's because when you meet at a party, you don't really spend the next two hours together, uninterrupted just... talking.
At a party, or a friend's house, or whatever, you're there and you're hanging with your friends/buddies/co-workers and you chat with this guy and you like chatting with each other and then maybe you go off to pee or get another drink or tell your girlfriend how you just met this cute guy and then you come back and talk to each other again and it just... works.
Now I know those who have met their partner through online sites will tell me that for them it "just worked." But for me, other than Chad, it hasn't happened that way yet.
Maybe it will. Maybe if the right guy and I meet on a blind date/online meetup/whatever it is it will just work and be fine.
But I'm not completely sure about that.
And I had a really clear thought yesterday as to why.
I just wish I could remember what it was.
("Blind dates? Weird for me." is the note I left myself. It's not really helping. But there you go.)