Oh

I found myself thinking something the other day that I don't know if I've ever really thought about before.

I was looking at a picture of someone's husband's camping trip with his brother and I suddenly wished I had a same sex sibling. A sister.

I think maybe when I was a little girl I wanted a sister, but that thought hasn't occurred to me in quite the same way.

Maybe it's me missing having someone to tell everything to, to bounce my thoughts and feelings and ideas off who would understand because they're a girl, but also because they share the same past as me.

If I had a sister, she'd have grown up with me, and she'd have similar, I imagine, ideas about the world.

So it's a strange thing, missing something I've never had, but I really wish I had a big sister.

No Spoilers Here

I've waited a while to say this just so that no one would find out anything they didn't want to find out before they wanted to find it out. Huh?

There was a True Blood episode a few weeks ago (ended on a roof, hint, hint?) where I bawled at the end. Bawled.

I bet if I re-watched that final scene I'd cry all over again.

*sad face*

Great Time of Year

I had a blast at Beer Fest on Friday, due in no small part to the awesome weather. (I have the slight sunburn to attest to that)

My girlfriend and I had very serious conversations about absolutely nothing that led to riotous laughter and cheeks that were sore from smiling so much.

We saw what may be this town's prettiest man and were two sad puppies when we could no longer find him at the evening's end.

We ran into my Buddy (hi Buddy!) who proceeded to gang up on me with my friend and their ensuing "pick on Victoria" moments were only made funnier when the German "ooompa" band started playing.

We had a rather drunken guy offer to help us pee because "he has skills" and we actually ran into Bird, which was fine, because we really did have to pee so we only had time to say hi and run.

Strangely enough, I was hungover by the time I got home (strong cider'll do that to ya sometimes) so after a couple of Advil and lots of water, I didn't feel too bad Saturday. Just plain tired out.

So I rested for the day and had another nicely mellow day on Sunday.

I love this time of year because when it's sunny and gorgeous out it feels like such a treat. Especially since we had a day or so of rain last week. Sunny September weekends. . . ahhhhhhh.

How was your weekend? Anyone offer to help you pee?

I'm Going Back to Bed Now

The brevity of this post is brought to you by the Great Canadian Beer Fest.

Have a good rest of the weekend.

Zzzzzz.

Why I Love My Family. Reason # 472

I was talking to my Dad about what I should pack for the trip last week and he said something about long pants in case it gets cold in the evenings.

And then he said something that is so totally why my family is awesome.

"Well, and you'll certainly need to bring a lot of books."

Because, see, we all understand this one important fact, nay, truth: Holidays are for reading.

Amen.

I Probably Should Have Told You Sooner

But I did it.


And I'm proud of myself.


And it's awesome.


And I'm happy.


*Big grin*

Oh Dear

So, hey, do you remember S?

Sure you do!

So S and I were hanging out this weekend and, of course, we chatted about guys for a while, when S decided that she wanted me to try on line dating.

"I want you to try on line dating" she said. Or something similar. I didn't quite hear her because I was shuddering at the thought. And shuddering is hard to hear over.

I told her I'd tried it already and didn't like it. And then I shuddered again.

"But I want you to try this other site" she said. Or something I couldn't hear. (See above: shuddering) "I'd totally do on line dating if I wasn't already engaged."

Later on, we had something we wanted to look up on line, and after we'd found that she showed me the site she wanted me to try out. And I shrugged, and mumbled something along the lines of "Ok FINE (dramatic sigh) sign me up."

So she did.

Um, I guess I'm going to try on line dating? Again?





In other news, happy 09/09/09! (This totally would have been my favourite day ever to get married)

Well, Hey

Happy Back to Work day y'all.

I hope you had a good Labour Day if you live in one of these there places what celebrate it.

I spent my yesterday, and the better part of my long weekend, for that matter, doing a whole lotta good old fashioned relaxing.

Now my brain's all "Wait, you want me to work? And, like, think and stuff?"

But that's ok. My trip was great, and I loved the couple of thunderstorms we got to see and I feel super relaxed (the massage I had yesterday probably helped, and I *know*, how awesome is a massage therapist who works on stat holidays?) and ready to plow through the rest of the week.

The fact that it's Beer Fest on Friday also helps.

But, enough about me.... how's you?





P.S. I kind of forgot it was September already, which may help explain why for the first time ever I forgot to pay my rent? Right?

I'll Fly Away

Old Glory.

The hint has been not so subtly dropped that work's going to be getting busy busy in the next little while. Ok, it wasn't so much as a hint being dropped, it was more of the spy boss letting us know that there's gonna be some serious stuff coming down the line that will need us all to be on our A game.

And, so? I'm taking next week off.

I'm heading to the interior for some sun and surf and won't be around a computer for most, if not all of the week.

So I'll see y'all when I'm back and rested. Until then, keep on keeping on!

Hugs.

So

District 9 was good. Except for the part where I got motion sick.

Which, was, um, most of the movie.

*Shakes head at self*

This Video Makes Me Cry

Going to California (JPJ live at the Hard Rock)

If you can understand why, you understand a part of me.

Shudder

May I suggest that for anyone who's looking to make the scariest horror movie ever, you use the sound of a cat v/s racoon fight and then the noise that one of them makes after it's scared the other one off? Cuz seriously.

Beyond freaky.

I'd rather be faced with zombies than hear that again.

Hold me?


P.S. Momma racoons kind of purr with/to their babies, but it doesn't make up for the EVIL shriek.

Um

I am currently addicted to sunflower seeds.

It's the salt.

I can't stop eating them.

I think my teeth are going to fall out.

Please send help.

Or maybe just tell me to stop buying them.

Thanks.

I Realized Something

I don't have a crush on anyone right now.

It's the strangest feeling because I'm so used to having one.

It's not a bad feeling though.

Not at all.

This Blog is My Very Own "Internet Happy Box"

Pearls

Thanks for always being so awesome and friendly and not-mean. I love you guys.

Ladies Only

Gentlemen, you may want to skip this post entirely. Just sayin'.

I was in for my yearly physical last week (oh joy of joys, um, no) and as the doctor was getting things set down below she said "Hmmm, sorry, this must be hurting you." I just kind of nodded, as my focus was completely taken up with remembering to breathe and thinking of my happy place (which was pretty much anywhere but there.) It wasn't until I got home that it hit me. Why aren't we lobbying for a two drink minimum before we even let them get going? Shouldn't we be allowed to *not* feel what all's going on down there?

Anyone want to sign my petition?

And Then the Angels Sang

I mentioned on Monday how my having cooked this weekend was something of a minor miracle.

People who know me, know that this is not a huge exaggeration.

See, I don't really cook. Don't know how, never learned, and when I moved into my own apartment, the first thing I tried to cook ended me up with bits of shattered glass dish all over my kitchen. Luckily I wasn't harmed, but that dish explosion really turned me off of the whole cooking deal.

Plus, it takes time, yo, and I don't find myself with a lot of that. And who wants to come home and spend an hour making something when you can toss a frozen pizza in the microwave and be eating in 7-10 minutes?

Fast forward to nowish and my Celiac diagnosis (un-diagnosis/re-diagnosis). As part of that, I asked my doctor specialist guy to refer me to a Dietician (who for some reason I keep calling a Nutritionist.) The first time I met with her, we talked a little bit about my confusing diagnosis and her recommendations and she gave me some Celiac specific information and suggested a few nutritional tips (like, eat some protein with breakfast.)

Right after that, the specialist called to let me know my iron was low, which isn't uncommon, I know, but was still a surprise. I started on supplements right away, but it also made me take a more serious look at what I was eating, and while it may have been easy and quick and tasty, it sure wasn't doing me much good nutritionally. No wonder my iron was low, was I actually eating anything food-like at all?

So back to the Dietician I went.

Help, I said. I don't cook. I don't know how. I don't eat well, I eat badly. I don't know what to do. Help.

And she did. She didn't look at me like I was an idiot for not knowing how to cook, and she didn't say anything when I described a typical day's meals (gluten free toast, candy, gluten free cereal, more candy, maybe some kind of gluten free frozen meal if I was feeling fancy. Hey, at least I had the gluten free part down pat, right?) she just started writing out some simple plans.

She didn't overwhelm me, or suggest anything ridiculous. She just asked me questions and worked things out with me. She'd ask me what veg I liked and if I said "er, none?" she'd talk about pre-cut baby carrots and maybe those little tomatoes? She talked about how I could cook a meal on the weekend and then have leftovers during the week. She even wrote out some simple things I could do to make sure I was getting what I need to get in each meal.

She made me feel ok with being able to do this, and when I told her my exploding dish story, her response wasn't "Man, you should have known not to put the hot dish under cold water" but was "You know, I think you probably underestimate your own ability to cook. You had marinated in the dish that broke, you know what you're doing!"

She told me about some simple recipes she does and she pulled out her lunch bag and showed me how she's got her berries to snack on and her extra stash of nuts in case she needs them.

She had a bunch of simple tips and hints and she never once made me feel anything less than capable and smart. It made me want to cry.

One of the things she mentioned was that she thought there was a good vegetable soup recipe on the Thrifty Foods website. ( Thrifty's, for you non-locals, is our beloved grocery store chain.) I went on the website and found their recipe collection.

Now I've bought cook books before and never really used them. But something about the way the recipes are laid out on their site really works for me. Plus, and this is totally cool, they list the ingredients and you can check off the things you need to buy and print off a grocery list from that.

Which I did!

I picked out two quick recipes (less than 30 minutes cooking and prep included) and printed off a grocery list for what I needed. So when I went to the store, not only did I know what I needed, it organized it into the aisles for the particular store I go to. Genius!

Then I came home, and with my newly manicured nails, I cooked.

(I also ate a pint of cherries while I cooked, but we won't mention that okay?)

And the leftovers were just as good.

I'm proud of myself, and I'm grateful to Thrifty's for their genius recipe thingamy and for my very nice, helpful, kind Dietician gal.

People, I cooked!

Unnecessary

I read this book recently where one of the main characters had had his brain altered so that he *had* to tell the truth. It was an interesting idea and got him into some trouble. (I mean, wouldn't it suck if you'd been kidnapped and the kidnappers asked you for the secret information and you couldn't not tell them?)

When I ran into my ex the other week, there was something I'd told myself I'd tell him if I ever saw him again.

But somehow, telling a married father of two that he was (to date) the best sex I've ever had didn't seem appropriate.

Well, seemed wildly inappropriate actually.

Which is too bad, really, because at the time, I didn't have enough experience to know. If I'd known, I'd have made sure he knew.

You know?

Saturday, FTW!*

You guys? My Saturday was so so awesome.

So.

I slept in, got up, ate a yummy breakfast and went to the spa place. I then spent the next five hours doing nothing!

Well, occasionally I sighed happily or drank the water that was brought to me, but that's the extent of the effort I put out. It was perfect.

And when I was done I felt like the (and still do feel like the) girliest girl ever. My skin's soft and glowy and my fingernails are perfect and my toenails are perfect and I feel relaxed and happy. And I feel worth it. Like, I feel like I was totally worth the time and money I put into myself.

And that's maybe the best feeling. Taking care of myself and feeling how good that feels.

I feel like it's been a long few years, but the shift has happened.

After I left the place, I picked up some groceries and came home and cooked! (More on this small miracle later.) And that evening as I was sitting around mellowing out on my couch, I got a call from a friend asking if I wanted to go out for a drink.

It was the perfect way to end a perfect day.

Awesome.


*FTW

Ahhhhh

Maybe it's a good thing that last week tired me out so much, because today, I just happened to have booked myself a day at the spa.

I booked it almost a month ago (it's a small place, so they needed some advance warning for the full package I asked for) and it's so nice knowing that after this tiring (and emotionally exhausting let me tell you) week, I'm going to spend hours getting pampered.

This isn't something I've ever done before. I mean, I've gone into a spa before, but only ever for a pedicure or maybe a massage. This is different and I'm proud of myself for doing it. Someone gave me the brochure for the place and when I was flipping through it something inside of me said "I deserve a full day of pampering, not just a pedicure!" and instead of talking myself out of it for one reason or another, I just called and booked it.

So here's hoping your Saturday is just as relaxing as mine. I may be droolingly happy the next time I see you!

Hi

Hi, I'm Cindy Mc Tiredson and I'm writing on behalf of Victoria because she's gone off to Tiredville and can't type.

Well, she could type, but thinks it might make her brain explode.

Which, you know, might not be a good idea.

Victoria is hoping to return from Tiredville as soon as possible as she's finding her stay there to be quite tiring. Tiresome.

On behalf of Tiredville and all the Mc Tiredsons, we hope you'll have no need to visit us soon.

Or if you do, we hope you find a way to write posts that make more sense than this.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Er... good day.

Hang On

Gotta head out of town for spy stuff.

Be right back though, kay?  Kay!

I Don't Want to Grow Up

There are certain things that in my mind I'm not grown up enough to be having to deal with.

Anything involving bank loans or signing legal documents is right up there.

My brother's offered to help me with buying a car, because it's something I mentioned to him the other week.

It's also something I can think about in abstract, but as soon as I contemplate it in real life, I get seriously freaked out. I can't even imagine sitting in some guy's office hashing out the details of me singing off on a crap load of money when I have a perfectly fine car right here right now.

What grown up things have you found yourself doing lately that you don't really feel grown up enough for?



(I realize that this photo may make it look like I'm in some kind of trouble with the police, but I'm not. I don't expect to ever have to deal with that, grown up or not.)

Groan

Self? Do you not listen?

Apparently not.




In related news, I realized the other day, as I was staring at the pile of fruit on my counter, that blueberries may be my favourite fruit because they appeal to the lazy eater in me: no prep, no seeds, no nothing. Just wash and eat. And repeat. (See above link. Ahem.)

Seriously Not Restful

I was Sookie Stackhouse in a dream this morning.

But, not in a "gosh, I'm cute and Southern and making out with hot (vampire) guys" kind of way, but in a scary hiding from the people (non-human?) who are trying to kill me kind of way.

I distinctly remember hiding in this tight space in a closet, trying not to breathe as they (who/what ever they were) opened the doors and tried to find me.

I feel like I need to re-sleep the whole night, because hiding in your sleep in your big house that's in the middle of no where where there should be people but the people are missing is tiring.

Can I have a nap at least?

Come On Now!

Ok, seriously?

First the Smith thing and now this. . .

Ran into another ex. One of my first. Quite possibly my most significant.

He's married.

With two kids.

I don't even know what to think.

OK

Still kind of absorbing the news.

I've told everyone I'm fine, but that's not really true.

I mean, I'm not devastated or anything like that, but it's still upsetting. You just don't (or, ok *I* just don't) expect your ex to go off and live happily ever after.

And I really didn't expect it from Smith.

Or maybe I did and it just hurts that he didn't want to live happily ever after with me.

So I'm a little down in the dumps and trying to figure it all out.

And I forgot to wish you all a Happy B.C. day, so, yeah. Hope you had a good one.

Huh

Well, just to keep me on my toes or something. . .

C just got an email from Smith.

Turns out he's left the Forces.

And is getting married.

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmmmm

I didn't know people still did this:

This, being stealing the hood ornament thingies off of cars.

The reason I say "still did this" is that when I was in high school it was apparently the cool thing to do to go around and steal these things and wear them. At the time, I think VW's were hit the most, probably because you could actually hang a chain through them, but more expensive cars like BMWs were popular too.

Well, to be honest, this is all heresay, as I didn't ever run into anyone in my high school with any sort of car ornament jewellery. Nor did I know first hand of anyone who did it or had done it. It was just sort of one of those things you heard about.

Like the condom machine in the third floor boy's washroom. One of those things you only ever heard about.

But, anyway. I didn't know people still went around theiving car ornaments.

I mean, I'm assuming Toyota didn't just skimp on the glue on this guy's car, right?

The Men in My Life Who Are Not Bird. A Status Update: Redux

I thought, to further yesterday's post, I'd catch you up on other guys.... (From last year-ish.)

1. Cute temp spy worker guy: We're friends now. Turns out, in his case, "partner" meant boyfriend. Which is fine. He's still hot. We hung out last weekend, down in the inner harbour, soaking up the sun. I love watching girls take notice of him. We're really not as subtle as we think when we're checking out hot guys! So, yeah, got a friend out of that. Yay!

2. Runner Girl's Shy but Sweet Friend: Haven't heard anything else about him since this. And speaking of on line dating, I don't think I ever really told you (and I only have so much patience while going through my archives, so maybe I did and just don't remember) but I did go on a few (a couple? hard to remember) dates with someone I met on line. We got along fine and he was a nice guy, but I got sick and had to cancel a couple of dates and then things just kind of petered out. Also, and this is a weird one for me. . . I randomly ran into someone I talked to on the dating site, but because I was pretty anonymous on the site they didn't know it was me. I felt like a reverse-stalker. (Whatever that means) Didn't date him though. Had found our chats on line a little too heavy and negative.

3. Cute guy I've had a crush on forever: Otherwise known as Huck. Huck's now off the market (again) in a relationship that seems to be one he's very happy in. I do hope he's happy, because the man is so good looking he takes my breath away. For reals. Like, model good looking. *dreamy sigh*

4. Young Buck Co-worker, Runner Guy, All of my Exes: Well, I saw Young Buck Co-worker a while ago at a concert with his arms around a pretty young thing, and have no idea about runner guy. I did run into one of my exes, three times, and got a form email from another who's become an accountant sort of thing. But other than those two, I haven't heard from any of my other exes. All gone. Bye bye!

5. Bird: Saw him, was able to be friendly to him. Was shaking the entire time. Went home and cried. Was surprised.

6. Smith: Tried to contact him when our mutual friends were going through a really tough time. C's husband has tried to contact him too, even leaving a message with his folks, with no success. No one's heard from him since I last spoke to him, so we all just hope he's ok. My guess is that he's just moved on. I just wish he hadn't moved on from his friends. That's a little sad.

7. Anyone I'm missing that you can think of and want an update on?

There Are Balls In This Photo On Purpose

Guys.

What y'all want to know about.

Well, most of y'all anyway.

Ok. Guys.

First of all, there aren't currently any in my life in a romantic way. Let's just get that out on the table shall we? Right.

It's been a while since I mentioned it, but I had a crush. Part of the reason I haven't talked much about it is that I know him through a part of my life that I don't talk about here.

No, not work, somewhere that I go, something that I'm involved with, something that allows me to grow and work on myself and somewhere that allows me to perform, which has been a saving grace and joy for me, but somewhere that I'm even less comfortable talking about than work. If you can believe that. So I didn't want to talk about the crush because I couldn't figure out a way to not talk about where we met, and how I know him, but since it's my blog and that puts me in charge, I'm just going to tell you that I met him at Not Work. Through Not Work. Yeah.

Met him and, actually, strangely enough, already knew him as one of the several (er, many?) cute guys at the gym, just never knew who he was or what his name was. (I just called him "that cute guy".)

So meeting him, for real, and already thinking he was cute turned immediately into a crush. Which was squashed (by me) because he had a girlfriend and I don't go there.

And then he didn't.

Have a girlfriend, I mean.

And we started hanging out, a group of us, and as I got to know him, the crush got bigger. And dreamier. And gigglier. Until I realized I was doing almost the same thing with him I did with Bird: dreaming up a relationship on what I didn't know about him instead of getting to know him and then dreaming up a relationship *if* he was worth it.

And knowing this I got weird. Like, didn't know how to talk to him weird. But a month or so ago, I got up the courage and just told him, because by this time I knew he wasn't interested in me. No, really, I did. Despite what my well meaning friends told me, I knew he wasn't interested. So I went ahead and told him that I'd had a crush on him and felt a little awkward around him.

There was a teeny tiny little part of me (ok, maybe it wasn't *that* small) that was hoping the conversation would turn into "Really? Because I have a secret crush on you too!" and we'd make out and live happily ever after, (what, it could happen!) but the door was firmly shut (and padlocked) when he responded with "Well, I'm looking forward to having an excellent friendship with you."

Which wouldn't have been so bad.

Except that he and another friend in the group realized that after years of friendship they have feelings for each other and are now dating. Which also might not have been so bad if they hadn't had this realization a week after I'd spoken to him.

It felt icky.

And rude, somehow, even though I know it was nothing personal, and even though I already knew he wasn't interested in me and even though I'd already figured it out before either of them did. Even though I saw it coming. Them, I mean. I saw them liking each other before they even knew they did. It all felt very high school.

Sigh.

So, that's about it, dating wise.

Well, except for the week-long hormone-driven crush I had on the guy's young (read: a bit too loud for my taste) but good looking best friend somewhere in there. Whoops.

So. Now you know.

Had a crush. Knew better than to continue said crush. Went ahead and continued crushing anyway. Learned the hard way. Am still single.

*Shrug*

Sometimes When You Can't Seem to Put it Into Coherent Sentences, It's Best to Just Let it All Hang Out.

I'm not sad but I am.

There's a voice inside me that keeps saying "This may be your last summer on your own, so enjoy it while you can. No one else to think about but you. Cherish it" but there's also the feeling I get when I think about the things I could be doing right now. "Could" being the operative word (in my mind) because, for example, you don't camp alone. And I don't know anyone else I could camp with. The be-babied friends, the happily married friends, the non-campers but great people friends. I don't know anyone else. You camp with your family. Your single girlfriends. Your boyfriend. Your husband.

Cue the quiet voice... "Why not by yourself? Why. Not?"

But I haven't.

Camped, that is.

I have, by myself, gone for walks, sat and watched street entertainers, gone to Luminara, read five books in two weeks.

I have moments of absolute delight at my single-ness, my ME time. Moments of laugh-out-loud at a tv show and hugging myself because my company is the easiest I've ever known.

But honesty propels me to say that there have also been moments of keen missing, of feeling left out. Of sitting at home listening to fireworks because I didn't have anyone to go with. I didn't have a partner to go with.

Moments of walking through a public gathering and seeing the couples, the young families, the hand holding, the what-I-don't-have-ness and hurting.

Moments of wondering how I will ever come to meet someone when my life is limited to my work space and my coming home to get ready for the next work day space and my one, two, three communities that I put my time into. Where do I have to go? Who do I have to become? No, what part of me do I have to let out, to satiate in order to be around people, the person. Him.

Whoever he is.

And there's occasional moments of panic. Along the lines of "What if I buy a new car and drive it off the lot and scratch it?" I have moments of "If I do meet someone, I have to get to know him. I have to date. And what if I think he's something he's not. Like has happened before. In the past. Historically?"

Bird was a year ago. Exactly a year ago was Bird.

I believe I'd handle it differently now. I feel stronger.

I've been quiet about certain things since Bird. Quiet about crushes and romantic hopes and dreams. Quieter than I should have been maybe, but I felt the need to be guarded. I'm less comfortable when the lines between my life and this blog get blurry and I'm always, always aware of what my Buddy (hi Buddy!) said to me when I first started this blog forever ago that I should write knowing that it may be read by the very person I'm writing about; that there is no anonymity on the internet. So I try to write as if they're reading along. Whoever they are. And I try to write imagining how they'd feel if they came across themselves, written about, without permission on the internet.

I try to imagine how I'd feel if it happened to me.

But after a time of silence, it feels wrong, it feels like I'm leaving out part of my story. Which I am. Which I'm allowed to do.

But ultimately, this is *my* story, and I only ever wrote it down for me.

Whoever it is I'm becoming.

Whether or not this is my last summer being single, I still wish I had a best friend who was all mine.

I guess, for now, that's me.

You Know It's Hot When. . .

Now, I'm not complaining here (not being one to complain about the weather, rather one to enjoy it for what it is knowing that soon enough it'll be something else, know what I mean?) but we's in the middle of a heat wave round these here parts. Wooee!

See, my apartment's not air conditioned. Neither is my work (spy bat caves are hotter than you'd think). The mall is, but as I found yesterday, wandering the mall means I end up buying things and that's not great in the long run.

Part of the gym is air conditioned, and I know this because I sent myself there today figuring that if I was going to be hot and sweaty, I may as well get some exercise out of it (please ignore the fact that I could totally make a sex related joke here). I then came home, hot and sweaty but having breathed cool air for a while and took a cold shower.

Ahhhhh.

Now I'm sitting here with two fans doing their thing, barely any clothing, and a damp cloth on the back of my neck.

It's actually warm when I take it off after a few minutes.

It's not the heat that I have trouble with, it's the lack of air. I'm not fond of stuffy. Hence the fans! Ta da!

So, yeah.

It's hot, peeps.

*Starts singing obscure musical songs, then adds this video so you can play along at home*



HMV 193 Gramophone, 78 RPM, Too Darn Hot

Aural and Visual

My thoughts right now are one big SYTYCD lyrical playlist. And then they're not.

Don't believe me? Trust me. One minute I'm all :


Winter Song - Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson

And


John Mayer - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room


Kate Bush  - This Woman's Work

Or singing along to this turned up full blast in the car


Bon Iver - Re: Stacks

And then I catch myself and remind myself that it's not all one sided, none of it and then, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, sometimes before I even know it it's all good.

More on this tomorrow. This post is long enough as is.

The Truth Comes Out

If it hadn't been for Secret Agent Josephine (who, despite the name, isn't a co-worker of mine) and a link from her to Bethany's site where there was then a link to this, I would never have discovered that they've taken my life and turned it into a (seriously hilarious and awesome and new favourite holy smokes why have I never heard of this show before thank goodness I have two whole seasons to watch all at once now!) tv show.

It has been a little upsetting to find the show, because at no point did NBC *ask*if they could base a show on my life. I mean, sure, they may have changed her name to "Sarah" and died her hair blonde, but, seriously, it's completely obvious who the character is based on. I just can't believe I didn't notice I was being watched!



Chuck NBC Full Promo

Breathe

I forgot to tell you how awesome the Xavier Rudd show was the other day weekthe other time.

And it was. Awesome.

But more than that, I came out of the concert remembering and knowing that there is so much more to life than petty concerns and personal grievances.

I'm really lucky to have the life I have, and I love my life.

Thanks for the reminder Mr. Rudd.

Note to Self

Self,
Next summer, you can go ahead and buy the giant box 'o blueberries *and* the giant bag 'o cherries, no problem.
Just don't eat them both on the same day.
Trust me.
Love,
Me

I'm a Little Lacking in the Sleep Department. Can You Tell?

I can be dead, dead asleep, sleeping the sleep of the righteously asleep, but the second I hear the buzzing whine of a mosquito? I'm wide awake.

No, seriously, I hear that sound and I'm fully, completely, could save the world in that instant awake.

The real question here, of course, is not "why the heck do they always wait until I'm completely asleep to sneak into my room" but "how could I use this to my advantage?"

I mean, what if on all those mornings I just can't drag myself out of bed I had a mosquito trained to come wake me up? Maybe I could turn into one of those people who wake up early and go for long runs if I had a trained mosquito.

Whoops

So I've discovered that I'm a little behind in my photo album.

As in, the photos I printed out last time I printed out photos (oh please can we not relive the misery I felt that day?) are still in the print out box (I needed a box. Sigh) and they're from 2007.

And two thousand and six, shhhhh!

A little behind, as I said.

Ahem.

Because I Love You

Amazing choir (Perpetuum Jazzile) uses their hands to simulate storm

Is now tied for favourite with this one methinks. Maybe.

So. Cool!

You'll never guess what I just saw?

Well, ok, not, like "just" just, but, really it was so cool that it feels like I just saw it so you can forgive me, right? Right!

Because I saw them putting a house on a barge!

A house! On a barge! On the water! They put a house on the water! (With the barge inbetween)

I mean, as if it wasn't odd enough to be driving along and realize that there was a gigantic house IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! it was super cool to watch the process the guys went through to get it onto the barge.

I think I spent something like three hours just sitting there watching, it was the coolest thing I've seen in a long time.

Plus, the cute helper construction (wait, do you call them construction guys if they're not, actually, building something? Like, would he have been a totally differently named job?) guy was a nice bonus.

But, seriously. They put a whole, entire house onto a barge.

Dude.

Dude

I think this town has bi-polar weather disorder.

It's jeans and hoodies one day and "holy crow I wish I could be naked it's so hot" a couple days later.

How 'bout you? You having normal weather or is yours moody too?

Um, Yay?

So, I just had what I guess is the first good part about having Celiac disease.

See, I've never liked getting the flouride treatment at the dentist. Nev. Er.

Not when I was a kid and that gooey stuff had to sit in the trays and certainly not as an adult (by age only, not by maturity level, I know, I know) with the swishy stuff that gak, gah, I don't even want to think about because ick.

I actually used to refuse the stuff because when I'd accidentally swallow it (which is hard not to do damnit) I'd feel so gross after.

Well, when I told the hygenist this time that I'd just found out about having Celiac she told me that that meant I couldn't have the flouride as their formula has gluten in it in some form.

I did a happy dance in the chair my friends.

And then I let her clean my teeth.

So yeah, there's at least one benefit to this whole thing; no more evil flouride blechy swishing stuff!

Let's just hope my teeth don't all fall out now.

(I kid. I kid.)


(I hope)


Updated to add: Look at this post I just found. Ha!

Encounter

I can't pinpoint the date exactly, but a while ago, instead of always thinking to myself "I wish people were more comfortable just chatting with each other" I decided that I would, when the individual gave of a "safe" kind of vibe, go ahead and initiate conversations with strangers.

You know, like in the grocery lineup, or while choosing the best cherries from the bins, or while sitting watching fascinating things involving heavy machinery happening (more on this later, I promise!)

A conversation I had the other night has lingered with me and I'm not really sure why.

I was in the lineup at the checkout at the grocery store (hello, I think I've covered all the obvious points, yes?) when a gentleman behind me asked if he could look at one of the items I was buying. I told him to go ahead and we chatted for a bit.

He talked about how he hadn't grown up with these things, having grown up in a "totalitarian society" and for the life of me I don't know why I didn't ask where he'd grown up because I really can't figure it out. I usually think I'm pretty good at figuring out accents, certainly those from around Great Britain and I would have thought this man's accent was Irish. ish. Irish-ish.

I've been trying to figure it out since and wish I'd asked.

Any thoughts out there? It's kind of stuck in my brain, as you can see.

I Just Have to Say

That Cat Deeley is one of the most adorablest, loveliest, sweetest people ever ever ever on television and I Loooooove her and want to hug her.

And if I won the lottery I'd pay a gazillion dollars to have Mia Michaels choreograph a dance for me.

*happy sigh*

Tie-Tie

Anyone else seriously tired out these days?

Ok, all of you with your hands up, when you're tired, do you go to bed early so you can get extra sleep or do you stay up late working on things that really don't need to be worked on and then find yourself all not-tired even though you really really are?

Oh. Just me then?

Mkay.

Aaaaaah! It's Monday the 13th!

Er, wait, never mind.

I got my days of the week mixed up. Sorry.





Nothing to see here, move along folks.

Ahem.

I Entitle This Video "How to Make Victoria Cry"

Disneyland Musical Marriage Proposal

I wish *my* name was Erica.

Or Amy.

Helloooooooo

Well, hi! How are ya?

Hanging in there? Doing great? Somewhere in between?

I wouldn't say things are settling down around here exactly, but I'm hoping that I'm sitting here typing this means I've found some sort of flow that works.

Those of you who write blogs probably know the feeling of missing a few days or a week or so of writing and then how it can feel a little clunky to get back at it. I'm a little bit in that space at the moment, but it's either "sit down and hammer away at the keyboard and hope something half decent comes out" or "just keep not writing anything" and that's not much fun.

So, how to summarize my last week or two? Busy. Emotion-filled. OK.

I do have some holiday time coming to me and it's already looking like it's going to be busy. Fun, I'm sure, but busy.

My car accident recovery is coming along; it's a very slow but steady kind of thing at the moment and I'm working hard and not rushing ahead too fast. I'm heading into my fourth month away from the gym, and those of you who've been around here for a while know that that's a big change in my routine. I'm not sure what's harder; not having the regular routine and familiarity of the place, or not having the regular stress release of the excercise. The good news is that I've worked back up to 25 minutes of cardio and other than a few twinges if I push too hard or fast, I don't think my endurace has lost much. I'm tighter than I used to be, and no, not in a good way, more in a "less-flexible" kind of way so all in all, I'd like to get back to the gym and see how it all goes.

I've had some personal-type news in the last week that was unexpected and have been riding some waves of sad. One is a move by a family member to the Maritimes (where, no, I don't expect they'll run into Smith) and the other will take a bit of explaining if and when I get around to deciding to share about it.

Other than that, I finally saw Up! and Wall-E and cried, cried, cried at Seven Pounds, so I guess you could wag your collective finger at me for watching too many movies when I could have been writing posts, eh?

So, yeah. Here goes, getting the ball back rolling here, and trying not to notice that the days are getting ever so slightly shorter so please don't mention it, kay?

Kay.

Missed ya. Hope you had a great Canada Day/Independence Day/Regular non-North American Day.

*mwah*

(That's the noise a kiss makes. FYI)

Waving (Not Drowning)

Heyas,

Apparently still on pause mode, which I didn't expect to be, but things are just super busy! It's like Christmas in July!

Heh, that was unintentionally funny.

Like, you know how at Christmas there are ten million and five parties that happen and get togethers and family comes out and friends want to meet up and stuff? Yeah, that's kind of been my week. (Or two!)

So it's not that I don't have anything to say (although, I don't have a whole lot of anything much to say) it's just that I, honestly, haven't had the time to sit and write anything down.

And I know, I know, I'm doing it now, but yeah, I made myself sit and type this out just so I had something on here to prove I'm not off on some super secret spy mission so secret I couldn't even talk about in in code here.

Ahem.

I'll try to find some time real soon-like kay?

Kay.

Love youse!

Be good.

Whoops

Just gotta press pause on the blog for a couple of days here because I totally forgot to write any posts and don't have time to write any right this second or day or three, so pause.

*Pause*

And in case I miss it, Happy Canada Day!

Heh

I forgot to tell you about a funny my brain made last week at the Tragically Hip concert.

See, when Gord Downey (the lead singer) called out "Hello Victoria!", for just a moment, I thought he was talking to me.

Even though "Victoria" isn't my *real* name.

And is the name of the city I live in.

Ahem.

My brain's teh awesome!

Cool

My apartment building has two large bins out back, one for garbage, and one next to it for paper.

(We also have two bins for plastic recycling, but they're not really part of the story. I just didn't want to leave them out in case they felt neglected)

My parents asked me if I'd stop off at their place on my way home from work the other day and push their garbage cans into the garage since they were going to be out of town for a couple of days.

Because I didn't want to forget, and when I'm busy my mind sometimes forgets, I wrote myself a note that said "garbage cans" and stuck it in my car so I'd see it on the way home.

I did, and did my daughterly duty on my way home.

When I got back to my place, I went over to the bins and threw the "garbage cans" note into the paper recycling bin.

Right as I let it go, however, a big gust of wind came along, picked it up and carried it right over into the garbage bin.

I guess the Universe took the note literally, eh?

More Than Odd

Woke up this morning and my arm was totally asleep.

I mean, I've had my arm fall asleep on me before, but this was different. I couldn't feel it AT ALL.

I had to actually pick it up (and I couldn't feel my own fingers touching my own arm!) and throw it off of me across the bed and because I still couldn't feel it at all (!) and was still totally asleep I had to tell myself "wiggle fingers".

It was a really odd, disturbing feeling, and made me feel very blessed that my body functions as well as it does.

N is for . . .

newness and nouns and navigating through this thing called life

and N is for nicknames and nebulas and nunchucks, of course

and N is for the narwhales and never neglecting their naughty nature

and N is for nudity and night night and Nana and noodles

N is for naptime and naming and no, no, no no-ing

but don't forget N is for nerds and nobility, no nonsense filled notariety

N is nostalgia and the necessary needs

N is novel and nutty and nice and naieve

and N is for numbers and never and now

but

without you this post would be Nothing, and how!

I Laughed Out Loud

Saw a hilarious bumper sticker yesterday on a big ol truck.

This car is a hybrid:
Gasoline + Duct tape.

Heh.

Baroo?

Look! A photo of cute, smiling children!

To distract you from the fact that I, in fact, apparently *do* have Celiac disease, as the specialist just informed me Thursday.

So, ok.

Kids! Cute! Look!

Awesomeness

Not yesterday, but the day before the day before not yesterday, I went to see the Tragically Hip.

As always, they were awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome.

Every time I go to a concert, I'm reminded how much I love music, and how very much I love live music and I'm always reminded how very very much I love being part of a crowd of a few thousand people all singing along to a song.

Awesome.

Oh, yeah!

I almost forgot to wish you a Happy Father's Day!

So if you *are* a father or *have* a father; happy Father's Day to you.

(I think the occasion warrants the re-use of this photo, yes?)

Happy Father's Day y'all.

Um

I know it's only morning, but I'm tired enough that I'm already counting down to bedtime!

Brain's Still Melted

Y'all are smart, so help me out here.

I can't, for the life of me, come up with a decent "N is for..." post title to write about.

So, here's where you get to play the role of my brain for me. What do you want me to write about that starts with N?

Cuz, really, the only word that's coming to my mind right now is "nunchucks" and I have no idea how I'd write a post about nunchucks.

I Didn't Know If I Should Laugh or Cry

I was driving along yesterday evening(ish) when up ahead of me an adorable german shepherd dog walked itself across the cross walk.

I'm guessing it had walked across that cross walk with its owner a bunch of times before, because it walked exactly like it knew what it was doing.

Hopefully it made it home safe.

Reaction

Ran into Bird this weekend.

Yep, Bird.

Wasn't expecting it, but it didn't seem weird to see him as I've been thinking about him lately.

Not in any romantic way, just in a sort of "gee, I wonder what he's up to and miss him" kind of way.

What I realized this weekend, when seeing him made me want to cry and run in the opposite direction, or possibly run in the other direction while crying, is that I guess I fell back into believing some sort of magical thinking version of him might be what was real. And maybe that imaginary version of him would come back into my life and fill my "snuggle void". (A term I've just made up!)

So it was good and not good to see him and I'm ok, but it took a good long venting talk with a girlfriend to make me feel better.

I have to say though, I was surprised by how strong my reaction to him was. I really thought I'd moved far far on from all that.

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm

Here's what I've been wondering.

Why were my (male) neighbours vacuuming at 10pm on Sunday night?

Crunch

I heard a car accident yesterday.

And if you've ever heard one, you know the distinctive screech/crunch sound it makes.

Once I'd heard it, I turned to see if everyone was ok, (it was just a minor bump up) and I remembered the moment after we were hit in our accident,and my brain/body connection kicked in and my neck started hurting and I started feeling like crying.

Guess I'm not as over the accident as I'd thought.

Will just have to keep on getting better.

Argh!

I can't remember if I've ever mentioned this before, but I have this inability to stop reading a book once I've started.

Even if I'm not enjoying it that much (like right now) or really disliking it (as in the past). I'm not sure why I can't just put a book down, but I can't.

But, man oh man, am I ever glad when I'm done em.

Wish me speedy reading, would you?

Curiouser

I've been spending a fair amount of time this week sitting on a tennis ball.

No, I'm serious.

See, my recovery from the car accident is going pretty well, but I do have some spots that are still hurting.

And the funny/cool thing about the body is that sometimes if one spot is out of alignment (or whatever) the body will try to compensate and you'll end up with pain somewhere else. Or muscle tension or tightness somewhere else.

Which, I have.

I was saying to my physiotherapist (oh, ok, one of my physiotherapists) that when I have to sit for a long time (ie. more than 15 minutes or so) things really start to hurt in my, um, buttock and that one of the things I've been doing is folding up jackets or things to sit on because even though that hurts, it's kind of like getting a little physio stretchy-type thing as I sit there and that ends up feeling better. I jokingly said "I feel like I should carry around a tennis ball to sit on when things start to hurt!"

"That's a great idea." he said, "Go for it."

So, I bought a sleeve (is it called a sleeve?) of tennis balls on my way home.

It may not feel great at the time, but I can sure as heck feel the improvement it's making in the long run.

Yay for what I thought was a wacky idea that actually turned out to be smart.

Um

I think I need to book myself some holiday/vacation time soon.

I'm just sayin'

Inside Thought

While we were having our hot (for us) weather here last week, I found myself resisting the urge to just fall over and wither a few times.

See, our bat cave does not have air conditioning. Or anything. And while my particular part of the cave has windows, them there windows let the hot hot sun in, but, sadly, no breeze. At one point, I actually found myself starting to feel something like what I imagine claustrophobia feels like because it felt like there just wasn't any air. And not having air combined with being too hot, combined with having made the decision to wear not only pants, but shoes AND SOCKS wasn't a good feeling.

So later that same day, I had a doctor's appointment to go to and as I walked into the office, I realized they had air conditioning. (Oh, I should mention that I don't have A/C in my bat car either, so there wasn't a whole lot of breathing or cooling down going on on the drive either!) As I was checking in, I told the receptionist that I loved their air conditioning.

And I really meant it.

What I didn't say, but was SO totally thinking, was "I love your air conditioning so much I want to marry it and have its babies."

Not sure how that one would have gone over.

Indeed

I read this post a while ago on The Pioneer Woman and a quote in it has totally stuck with me.

In the post, the woman writing it, Heather, talks about how "experiential knowledge alters behaviour*." And it's so true.

She mentions how once she'd worked in retail, she no longer leaves clothes un-hung or messy in the change room. I'm the same.

My friends who've worked in restaurants always tell me that they treat the servers differently than they did before they'd had that job.

Maybe if we'd all done a variety of jobs we wouldn't be so quick to snap at a busy waiter or to leave a pile of un-hung clothes in the dressing room. What a perfect way to put it though: "experiential knowledge alters behaviour." Once we know, we change.

*The added "u" in behaviour is all mine, not Heather's. I know that means I'm mis-quoting, but I can't help it!

Alrighty Then

So it's Monday. Again. (Or is that "already"?)

To catch you up, I'm here, in body, but am recovering from a long few weeks and the physical holy-smokes-I'm-tired type exhaustion that has come from that. Nothing a good long sleep in will do, but seeing as it's Monday, that sleep in is going to have to wait a few days.

Four. Or so.

Not sure what else I've got to say, so this'll have to do for a Monday morning.

Have a great start to your week y'all.

No, I Mean It This Time

1. It's hot in these here parts right now (yes, even already this early in the mornin') my lordy

2. I'm taking off (again) for a few days and so am pretty sure (this time) that I won't be able to post til sometime Mondayish.

3. I had weird, seemingly random food cravings yesterday for ju jubes and plain potato chips. I'm not even a big fan of either of those things. Weird, huh?

Awww, Shucks!

I gotted an award!

The Last Single Girl was sweet enough to pass on a blogging award to me :)

I always feel kind of shy and stuff when people say nice things about me and TLSG was very nice with what she said about my blog and, well, yay!

I tried to thank her, but I either left two comments or didn't leave any because there are some blogs that just really seem to hate me when I try to leave comments and after a while of feeling like a computer dork, I gave up the struggle. *sigh*

So one of the things about the award is that it's about those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging and it asks the winner to talk about why they love blogging, so here goes:

For me, blogging started as a way to get the stories and thoughts and scenarios that were playing in my head out onto paper. Well, written out anyway. And I figured why not put that writing out there. Wherever the blog "there" is. And I like being able to talk about how I'm feeling about things and share good and bad and silly and have it bounce off other people. Sometimes getting that outside, neutral viewpoint on things is very helpful or grounding or supportive or just plain fun. I love reading people's comments and sort of getting to know the different personalities and people who stop by and stay around for a while or who slip in and out. Blogging is a way for me to be creative and also a way for me to sort through feelings. I also like the idea of sharing my slice of the world with different people.

So, there you have it. Thanks for the nod The Last Single Girl !

And now, the awards show after parties!

Heh

Twenty-Twenty-Twenty-Four Hours Ago

One of my neighbours pulled into his parking spot last night around 10 and sat in his car with the stereo cranked and sang (loudly and heartily) along to "I Wanna Be Sedated"* by the Ramones.

And it took everything I had not to run out and give him a high five.

I hear ya, neighbour guy, I hear ya!


*I dare you not to sing along and thrash around a little.

June!

June, people! It's June!

Um, yes, Victoria, we *know* that. We're just wondering why you've put up a picture of a snow-felled tree?

Because it's June! And I thought we could all benefit from reminder of what the weather is NOT like in June.

It's not snowy or cold or dark or dreary. The trees are not bare and we do not need to wrap up in extra layers to stay warm. (Although some of us still choose to do so because sometimes the ocean can kick up a cool breeze don't cha know?)

And while I could have started this month off with my usual "holy smokes this last month flew past", I kind of feel like May went just about the pace I expected it to so I thought I'd go with the "hey, look what we're not having right now and therefore enjoy even more the sun and long days and green trees and flowers and oohhh isn't Spring/early Summer lovely?" post.

See? Snow! June! No!

Um.

I may be a little over-tired.

Sorry.

If you need to, just pretend this post doesn't exist. I won't mind.

But, happy June nonetheless.

Seriously

Who writes a post saying they're going away and therefore won't be posting tomorrow and then goes ahead and posts anyway?

Who does that?

*shaking my head at the crazy people*

Heyyyyyy, wait a minute!

No, I Don't Know Why I'm Talking Like This

Going away I am.

Not for long am going though.

Anticipatorily tired I believe I may be.

Not posting tomorrow I decided.

Even though could postdate (pre-date?) post and just pretend here am.

Back soonish very.

Weekend, yay!

Have fun youse do ok?

Please mail brain back mine when found, thank you.

Ribbon Cutting

I hereby declare Summer Fruit Season officially begun!


Amen!

Soundtracked

It was kind of a hard weekend for me this weekend.

There were just a few things that all seemed to happen, or not happen, as the case may be and they all just sort of snuck up on me and then stood there and stared me in the face.

There was a family birthday I wasn't able to be a part of due to schedules and there was the realization and understanding that the person I thought I'd like to try being in a relationship with is not interested and there was the first time in ten years I haven't attended a particular event with some friends of mine and the truth the hurt from that surprised me greatly.

I found myself down on Dallas Road (our waterfront drive for you non-locals) staring at the water and the mountains and watching the boats, spinnakers flying and I listened to this song over and over and over.


Friday Night Lights Theme Song

I know I've used this song on here before. It was my Sunday soundtrack for a while and it reminded me that it's ok to feel sad or hurt or disappointed or let down, or all of the above, if the case may be.

I'm feeling better now. Not perfect, not back to 100%, that'll take a while, I'm guessing. But for now I'm better, and that's good.

I Agree

I finally got a spam email that actually:

1.makes sense and

2.applies to me.

The subject line was:

"Your wrist was made for the diamonds"

And they're so, so right!

Hello? Victoria?

Victoria: Yes?

Post: Hi. I, uh, don't mean to be pushy or anything, but I'm the 900th post. And, I just thought you should know. You know, in case you were, planning anything.

Victoria: Planning anything?

Post: Yeah, you know, like a band to play or streamers to fall from the top of the page or anything.

Victoria: Oh. Um. I hadn't thought of anything like that. I, uh, didn't know that I was supposed to, um, do anything special, um, but, hey, how about I put up a photo of a paper jellyfish and you can imagine it blowing in the wind because that's just like streamers!

Post: (looking kinda sad) Yeah. I guess, that's a nice thought.

Victoria: (looking around desperately) Um, hey! I know, here!



Kool & The Gang - Celebration

We love you Post #900!

Public Service Announcement

I can't remember if it was Dilling or Likalia, (or maybe neither?) but I seem to think someone localish was bummed they missed Xavier Rudd last time he was in town.

So, just in case, I thought I'd put it out there that he's just added a Victoria show to his North American tour.

Wooooooooo hoooooo! (Whoops, that was supposed to be an inside thought, sorry!)

If you don't know Xavier but like music, check him out and if his tour comes near you, I'd highly suggest you go. He's awesomely awesome and I loves him muchly!

Undefined

I have a hard time answering the question "what's your favourite" when it comes to movies, books, songs, or, well, a few things, now that I start to think about it.

I mean, I know who my favourite band is, but could I pick just one of their songs as my favourite? Nope.

And as I was looking at this picture, it made me think of the Beatles' song "Golden Slumbers", which made me try to think of my favourite Beatles song, but I couldn't.

Favourite movie? Can't put it down to just one.

Book I'd read over and over? I have three shelves full, as a matter of fact.

So am I the exception or the rule?

Do you have favourites? Or are you more like me and find it hard to pick the one book/movie/song/etc. that's your ultimate fave?

I'ma Gonna Write a Petition

Seriously.

I know that it's season finale time, but I think cliff hangers should not be allowed.

Not. Allowed!

It's one thing to get to a season finale and go "oooooh, I can't wait to find out what happens next"

It's completely unfair to get to a season finale and not know what happened!

Yes, Lost and Grey's Anatomy, I'm looking at you!

Not. Fair!

Crush

So I have a crush on someone. But it's not really a crush.

I mean, it is a crush, it's just that that it's really only a crush on what little I know of him.

If that makes sense.

Like, it's more like I have a crush on the *idea* of him than the actual reality of him since I don't really really know him.

Know what I mean?

Perfection

I just had the best cup of tea ever.

Everything was just perfect.

It was so good, actually, that I'm thinking I may never make tea again because I want to remember just how good this tea was.

So. Good.

Rad!

I know I've already posted today and so you can count this as a Sunday post if you'd like, but since I don't really post on Sundays and Monday is a holiday (here) this can be my Monday post or whatever, but aaaaaaanyway the point is that I just came back from seeing Star Trek and LOVED IT!

LOVED!

Hidden Agenda

I want to re-open this discussion because I'm still not convinced that single men and single women can be just friends.

But I may work on disproving this theory over the next few months.

Maybe.

Unless, of course, it's totally not possible and I end up with further proof of my assertation.

(Wait, why is that not a word?)

Ok, fine, further proof of my theory.

So, my fine friends, whaddya think?

Lucky

With the exception of a year I spent near Oxford England, I've lived all my life within walking distance of the ocean.

What about you?

Is there anything you've always lived near and can't quite imagining living away from?

Or maybe a something you've always lived with? (Cat, dog, etc.)

I Wonder

I wonder what my life would look like if someone decided to turn it into a reality tv show?

What spin would they put on things? What would get edited out?

I wonder if it'd be any good?

Finding Order in the Randomness

I was sitting here thinking about what, exactly, I might want to say in a post today, and I thought I'd listen to some music while I was waiting. So I flipped iTunes onto random shuffle and up popped this song:


Tomi Swick - Sorry Again

Now, that song reminds me so completely of Smith (I think he must have introduced me to the song, plus, it sort of matches a lot of the mood and words in our relationship.) that I thought it'd be interesting to see what popped up next randomly and what, or who, I associated the song with. And here's what came up:


Xavier Rudd - Fortune Teller Live

I love Xavier Rudd, and I owe my introduction to him to DD and I'm very very grateful for that. Xavier is so totally, amazingly, wonderfully, awesome.

Next, this one came up and it weirdly reminds me of both high school and early University. Kind of angry and head bangingish, or something.


Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun

So Cool

I was at my physio yesterday when he said "Have I threatened to tape your shoulder before?"

And I laughed as I shook my head, because all I could picture was him getting out a roll of masking tape and taping my arm up against my body like some ridiculous prank.

But he decided it would be the best thing to do (in my ongoing, progressing really well thanks, car accident recovery) for my shoulder.

I sort of giggled through the whole thing, because he didn't tape anything to anything, but rather, used big strips of stuff that reminded me of the toe tape I used to use for pointe class, to, like, tape my shoulder down.

I felt crooked!

But man did it feel good after a couple of hours.

So good I actually slept with the tape on.

Weird, but true. And completely effective.

Awesome.

Eight Hundred and Eighty Eight*

Driving home from my Mom and Dad's yesterday afternoon was awesome.

Partly because I'd had a lovely morning with my Mom, but really the highlight of the trip home was seeing other people on their way to see their Moms.

I must have passed four really big, tough looking guys holding a bouquet of flowers and I saw more than a few people carrying potted plants as well.

It just made me smile to know that, even if only for a couple of hours, so many Moms in Victoria were going to have a nice visit from their children and would have flowers and plants left over to look at when they left.

It just gave me an "awwww" feeling, and that's a pretty nice way to feel.




Hope you had a nice day yesterday too.





*Posts, that is! (cool, huh?)

M is for Mothers

And I love mine very much.


I hope you all have a lovely Mother's Day tomorrow, and if you're a Mom? Please hug yourself for me.

Updated to add: Or you could just hug yourself for me anyway!

Unknown

Part of (a small part of) what my brain is processing right now has to do with my physical health.

Most of you will remember that I was told, a few months ago, by the specialist, that I have Celiac disease and that it was quite a shock.

But I adjusted, and as I adjusted, I prepared myself for the test that would confirm, 100% that I had the disease.

Well, now I've had the test, and a few others for good measure, (and I assure you while some of may have been uncomfortable, none of them were awful, so if you're going through any sort of digestive system tests and are nervous, email me and I'll tell you just how ok you're going to be.) and I've had my results back.

The tests I was most anxious about came back clear; a big relief.

And then my Celiac biopsy results came back.

And I don't have Celiac disease.

But I don't not have Celiac disease.

And I can't quite wrap my brain around it.

I just spent the last few months wrapping my brain around being diagnosed with an illness that I now don't have. That took a few days to process.

But before I was finished processing not having it, I went in to see my doctor who went over the results with me and showed me that while things look great, they don't look perfect, and we don't quite know what that means.

So I'll be back to see the specialist in a few months and meanwhile I'm going to stay off gluten. My best guess is that we've caught the disease in it's earliest stages (which rarely happens) and so while things are a little "off" (and my blood work points, most definitely to Celiac), nothing's damaged. So that's good.

But it's still not clear. It's not a specific, measurable, nameable answer, and it's not what I had wrapped my head around.

So I'm re-adjusting, but I don't know what to, and I won't know for several more months, if ever.

And that's a little odd.

To say the least.

You Have No Idea How Much I Amuse Myself

I had to buy a new pot the other day and as I was leaving the store, all I could think of was all the funny jokes I could make.

Like, "Man, the pot I just bought won't fit in my bag."

Or... "I can't believe how expensive this pot was."

Heh.

Heh.

I could go on and on. Because it lasted the whole car ride home.

Heh.

It's The Small Things

I've finally been given the O.K., nay, the encouragement(!) to go back to the gym. (And may I just mention here how much I love my physiotherapist?)

So I went yesterday, a nice easy 30 minutes on the treadmill.

And it feels good to be back.

So good.

Mmmmmmmm

I love how the sky looks at 9 pm right now. It's just so . . . wow.

And everything's all green and alive.

Spring rocks.

"It Just Felt Weird"

There was a poem I wrote years ago that I can no longer find, but I remember the feeling behind it and I remember the ending lines.

It talked about the feeling of panic from falling ("falling" in this case was the actual feeling of falling straight down into a dark hole, but was metaphorically representing change and turmoil and fear) and how when everything stops, you "realize you weren't falling at all, it just felt weird."

I kind of feel like that again right now.

Except this time I know I'm not falling, so there's no panic. But still.

There is twisting in my life. And it's not bad and I don't feel too terribly uncomfortable, but it's not comfortable either. If you've ever gotten a foot sunk in mud you know what I mean about having to pull so hard to get it out that you don't feel like you can but you have to or else you'll never get free.

And it feels weird. Because maybe the other foot's on solid ground and it's just the one that needs pulled free. Or maybe the other foot's slowly sinking too. And it's pulling and pushing all at the same time and damn does it ever take effort. Sustained effort.

And you know it's going to be ok because you've gotten out of muddy patches before, and in this case you actually walked straight into the thing, knowingly, but it's still tiring.

I'm tired. But I'm pulling. And waiting for that sudden release. You know that feeling? When you finally get your foot out and you almost fall back from the lack of resistance?

Yeah.

I'm tired, but I also know the relief I'm waiting for will come if I just keep going.

Please Visualize A Tired Smile On My Face*

The best part of getting sick is when you get to start feeling better.

Which I am doing.

Yay!

*insert here

PS Happy May 'yall. (How'd that happen?)